Wake up call

6.30am is actually quite late to be woken up by either/both of my boys.

This morning I woke up to find Ben sat next to my head, just below my pillow.

Aw, what a nice way to wake up. That is until I realise he has no pull-ups on. No pull-ups means they've been removed....by him. He has a habit of doing this in the morning, most often after he's done a poo.

On realising this I jumped ot of bed and lifted the somewhat bemused Ben out of bed to reveal a nice "streak" on the bed sheets, just inches from where my head had been!

I dashed through to the bathroom still holding the toddler (he's still only 2) only to find poo smeared on the toilet seat lid and the carpet.

Ok. I'm now wide awake. Thanks Ben.

Remote Control

Here's a quick breakdown of how the remote control is used in my house, in order or intelligent utilisation(in my opinion.)

1) Me. I rarely watch TV yet I know the numbers of all channels I like to watch, and know my way around the control very well. This is so that whenever I'm in the room and Wendy is watching some rubbish programme I can quickly change the channel to something I want on whilst she's out of the room (and back again!)
2) Wendy. Given the high volume of TV she watches in the evening the remote is not far from her reach, so she is pretty much the controller of the control.
3) Luke. Knows how to switch the TV on and knows he needs to key in some numbers to get his programmes (Ben 10, Star Wars, Mickey Mouse, Imagination Movers etc)
4) Ben. Uses the remote to whack Luke over the head.

And who achieves the most with their use of the remote? Ben, of course!

He gets what he wants:-
- Attention (for kids bad attention is on a par with good!)
- Inflicts pain on his big brother
- Gets Luke in trouble if Luke retaliates

Triple-decker bus!

My blog entries are like buses: you wait ages for one and then three come along all at once (well, in the space of 24 hours anyway.)

At Football today Luke did his usual; he refused to take part in the matches unless he's allowed the yellow bib.

Happy Pop

Today was a good day.

After several weeks of being sent out of the swimming pool during his weekly swimming lesson for not behaving, Luke finally went an entire session without being told off!

And before that he'd spent his first couple of hours at "Big Boys School" so he could meet his new teacher for next term. And I heard good reports back from that too!

He rang me up at work to tell me his news in his usual efficient manner.
Me: Hey Lukey. What've you got to tell me then?"
Luke (in really quiet voice): I've been good. Bye.
Mummy: He's gone.

I'm glad the weekend is over

Seriously.

Not because I'm eager to get back to work (though I love my job etc etc...)- it's just been a really cruddy weekend.

First up was the disappointment of Albion being robbed of the FA final place.
This was swifly followed by a really miserable journey down the M11 to Gatwick. A 3 hour journey took 6 hours and we're non-the-wiser as to why. For some reason the traffic snarled up and it took an hour to crawl forward to the next junction, where we wanted to get off to go and get some food. However, everyone was being forced off here by the traffic cops.
Having stopped for some food we drove back to the M11 to find it was still closed, so we were diverted way out of our way for an hour to the next junction (with no chance for stopping because of the sheer volume of traffic being sent down these B-roads.) So, we now have 2 screaming kids in the car - joy. When we get back to the M11 the next $odding junction is blocked by a traffic cop even though we can see traffic on the M11 over his shoulder! So we (and several thousand over motorists) are diverted back into the countryside for another hour (by which point someone has a smelly nappy and is screaming like nobody's business) until we finally reach the M25. I've never been so pleased to reach the Orbital.
When we finally arrive at our hotel we find that there's no cot in our room, and when I complain I'm told that all the rooms are too small to have a bed, sofa bed (for Luke) and cot (for Ben). How naff is that?!!!
So, Ben slept with Mummy, and I had to sleep on the sofa bed with Luke. This was not a bed, it was a few planks of wood strapped loosely together with a thin piece of sponge on top. Even a couple of pints at London's extortionate prices couldn't send me to sleep.

In the morning I'm grumpy. The last thing I want to do is go and sit in church while someone old enough to be my Grandma's grandad preaches, before waking up my nephew, Callum, causing him to scream when bottled water is poured on his head! Sorry everyone,no offence intended - but I'm not religious, so I kinda opted out of this stuff!

Now I like snow, however, 4 inches of the stuff in the space of 2hours made for a pretty treacherous drive to the church (in deepest darkest knowhereland) while all I can think about is wanting to get home safely. So when the Missus decides we should go on to the reception afterwards I'm getting peed off again, and by this point have consigned this to being the worse weekend ever.

Anyway, to round things off we managed to escape after an hour at the reception and was still snowing heavily. By the time we got to Dartford the snow had cleared but we had another big delay trying to get in the Dartford tunnel. So, the journey back was about 4hours. And no snow at all at home!

With hotels, petrol, food, gifts etc, it was a pretty expensive 2 hours (i.e. the time spent in the same rooms as [but no interaction with] afore mentioned nephew.)

Chuff Daddy

Yesterday Luke swam 4 lengths of the swimming pool (100metres) -okay no continuous but not bad for a 4 year old.

Apparently his tutor repeatedly threw a toy in front of him to encourage a straighter swim! AWE, HE'S MY PUPPY!

Also he raised a few quid for Macmillan's Nurses too, do that was nice.

As I type I have Ben asleep in my arm - Typing with one hand is a bitch and my arm (underneath Ben)is dead! Oh great - he's started snoring!

Disco dude!

I am absolutely pooped.

Watching Luke run around for 3 hours darting in and around all the other kids while they "dance" was really hard work. Okay, he kinda danced a bit. Well, when he saw older boys (probably 5 yr olds) trying to "breakdance" (for want of a better name) he copied them, and indeed made his own variation when he decided to do some push-ups too (his version of push-ups are missionary pelvic thrusts so.....ahem!)

Despite his high risk strategy (remember the running mentioned above) he escaped with half a dozen minor bumps, a cut lip and hopefully no loss of teeth. That last bit (the lip and the teeth) were actually caused when he wasn't moving. 3 girls were holding hands and spinning around when the back of a head smashed into Luke's face. My poor little tiger, not known for crying (except on purpose) turned to me with tears streaking down his face. Before that incident he was mega cautious about all the other "dancers" and didn't want to dance, but after some hugs he spotted one of his little mates and went nuts! Only stopping occasionally to rub his tired eyes...

I'm a Reindeer!

My son informed me with much pride! He seems pretty chuffed with his role in the Nursery Xmas play and went on to explain his role. "I run around being a reindeer, then I sit down."

He never normally tells us much about his nursery or playgroup activities so he clearly loves this one! Personally I can't wait it see it! If he sits down on cue it would suggest he can obey instructions!!!!

Countdown....

Whoah.... less than 2 weeks until the baby due date. I really hope it'd not early because I've got loads to do at work and at home!

The Ladies Bras

The UK has gone nuts!!!

If you've not heard about Radio 1 DJ Scott Mills playing this ditty and getting it to number27 in the charts by download sale, well, here's a selection of Youtube videos for your "amusement."

We're ladies, don't you know!


Lorraine Kelly on the Telly!


My personal favourite...


There are loads more, but these are about the cleanest I could find!

Oh, and found this by accident too!!

Watch what you say!

The latest in incident that comes under the "watch way you say in front of kids" category....

I left work early today and My Mum had kindly offered to pick me up in exchange for returning my son to me earlier than normal (She looks after him during the week when he's not at nursery or playgroup.)

On the way in she encountered a really bad driver and snapped "get out the way you silly woman!" Now, my Mum is not really the sort for losing her temper, and the little blighter reminded her of her outburst straight away by repeating it, then laughing his head off. Then repeating it and laughing even louder, continually doing so and getting quicker and quicker so that by the time I got picked up he was a gibbering wreck!

Unfortunately I laughed when it was explained to me and this set him off again.

Later in the evening he decided to return to one of my own verbal accidents. "Oh I can't get in this bloomin' car seat, this bloomin' hat won't fit me. I'm gonna throw away this bloomin' car...." Telling him that it was a naughty word didn't really have any affect. Threatening to take away his bloomin' toys if he didn't stop saying it did!!!